35 Too-Real Tweets About Shopping For School Supplies

After all the time and effort spent shopping for school supplies, every parent is secretly hoping to receive this message:
Dear Parent,
Please accept this humble missive as a token of my gratitude for your truly superlative performance with this year’s back-to-school shopping list.
All of the notebook paper you provided was college ruled, and your folders were the correct twelve colors. You got the good crayons, the soft tissues and the disinfecting wipes that don’t cut your fingers when you try to take them out. You remembered the difference between a protractor and a compass. All the pencils you provided were pre-sharpened. Every one of your glue sticks is moist. You managed to discover shades of highlighters that I’ve never even heard of, and the pencil case you selected withstood being run over by a monster truck during product testing.
Congratulations on this historic accomplishment. Our school community, and indeed, our nation, could really use more parents like you.
Alas, no teacher has ever sent such a note. Here are 35 tweets about the thankless job of procuring school supplies for children.
Me: What else do you need for school supplies?7-year-old: Nunchucks.Me: They’re not on the list.7: Ninjas don’t make lists.
Crayons: come in boxes of 8, 24, 64, or 96School supply list: box of 18 crayons
If you’re not up at 5am on the first day of school to finish buying your kids school supplies, you are not my people
School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! Your supply lists include everything you’ve already bought but in a different color. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Welcome back!
Annual back to school reminder that Crazy Art crayons are not ok.
Me to 12yo: We have to go to Staples to get your school supplies9yo: Can I come?Me: We already got your supplies, why do you need to come?9yo: First of all, Staples smells AMAZING
Just so you know, buying school supplies six weeks before your kids’ first day of school doesn’t make the school year arrive any faster like I hoped it would.
Offered to pay 12yo to reuse school supplies from last year and suddenly she doesn’t need anything and I owe her $200.
Therapist: so what brings you in today?Me: I’ve been having dreams that my kids school supplies are trying to kill me. Therapist: [takes out pencil]Me: [screams]
Apparently we aren’t allowed to add “alcohol for teacher” to the school supply lists so anyway the school year is already ruined
Need a second mortgage to get school supplies this year
My phone just autocorrected “School supplies” to “Achoo supplies”, which is actually not far off considering the amount of tissue boxes, sanitizer, and Lysol wipes we have to send in with these kiddos.
My kid’s school already sent the school supplies list for next year and one of the things they need is a box of unsharpened pencils which, if I’m being honest, seems literally pointless.
What wine pairs well with back to school supply shopping?Asking for a friend.
Target is mostly out of school supplies and school hasn’t even started yet what’s wrong with you psychos?
Putting off ordering my son’s 4th grade supplies through the school to the point where I missed the deadline and now have to get the 76 items on my own is so annoyingly on brand for me.
*tattoos school supply list**finishes shopping*School Email: Sorry here’s an urgent updated list
Well… I’ve compiled the school supplies and basically, kids, sometimes what you want in life is a vacation and what you get is EXPO markers
My favorite part of back-to-school shopping is complaining about how much it cost, how we have too many kids, how stressed I am, etc. This year I only have to get supplies for ONE. And it’s for my 8th grade son. He doesn’t even want a lunch box ffs. All my joy is stolen.
School supply lists be like kid 1 needs two packs of 10 markers. Kid 2 needs one pack of 8. Kid 3 needs 4 pens. 1 and 2 need a single pen labeled with their name BUT don’t label the ones for kid 3 because they share CAN’T FOOL ME. I RECOGNIZE A STORY PROBLEM WHEN I SEE ONE.
Replacing items on this school supplies list with things we have around the house.No. 2.5 medium soft lead pencils = crayons10-Pack Pentel Hi-Polymer Block Eraser (White) = gum Ream of HP 30% Recycled Paper (FSC Certified) = paper plates
dear schoolyou said school supplies are optionali have anxiety if you need me i’ll be holding the optional supply list in the middle of target sweating and crying
Given what kids actually do with rulers, school supply stores should market them as wooden swords to use in class.
Do teachers realize that they can put anything on their school supply list & we will buy it? Spa weekend, tix to a show? JUST TAKE MY KIDS!
Heading to Staples with the school supply list that arrived today because obviously the school hates me & wants me to die.
I asked my kids if they wanted to do something fun so I took them to buy school supplies & now everyone is crying.
Wife: Did you get all the school supplies like I asked? Me: Sure did! *opens brief case full of ballpoint pens, Post-it notes, file folders and legal pads*Wife: You stole those from the office didn’t you? Me: And I saved us a fortune!
I don’t day drink often. But when I do, it’s after dropping $150 on school supplies w/ a tantruming 2yo along for the ride.#backtoschool
If time is money, then I’m gonna need about 15 years to pay for all these school clothes and supplies.
I wish I loved anything as much as my wife loves new school supplies.
School starts this week so apparently that means I’m 6 weeks late on school supply shopping, because there isn’t a damn pencil to be found. My kids will be starting Tuesday with a backpack full of Halloween candy.
Every class school supply list has one crazy item on it that doesn’t exist, like a “13-ring binder” just to see if you’re actually reading the whole thing.
My 9-year-old brought home her school supply list with all the items I got wrong circled and if I had known this was going to be graded I would have tried harder.
It’s the first day of school, and my kids are hauling so many school supplies in their backpacks, they look like human pack mules.
My favorite part of the school year is when the school supplies I had to frantically buy at the beginning of the year, come home unused at the end of the year